Struggle Well

For the past two years, I’ve been fortunate to be a part of a small group of men meeting once a month for a couple of hours at one of our homes to talk openly about life. Topics are set beforehand in a short agenda and have included depression, failure, family, gratitude, happiness, masculinity, mortality and relationships amongst others. The inspiration behind the name, Struggle Well, came from two excerpts the founder read which I’ve included below.

I cannot express or quantify how much these get togethers have given me. I’m grateful and humbled to listen to and empathise with the experiences and stories of others, realising in the process that we’re all the same. Having a face-to-face, informal platform like this to share highs and lows, laughter and tears, has been hugely beneficial for me and I hope for the rest of the attendees too.

Ray Dalio’s book ‘Principles’.

In my early years, I looked up to extraordinarily successful people, thinking that they were successful because they were extraordinary. After I got to know such people personally, I realized that all of them—like me, like everyone—make mistakes, struggle with their weaknesses, and don’t feel that they are particularly special or great. They are no happier than the rest of us, and they struggle just as much or more than average folks. Even after they surpass their wildest dreams, they still experience more struggle than glory. This has certainly been true for me. While I surpassed my wildest dreams decades ago, I am still struggling today. In time, I realized that the satisfaction of success doesn’t come from achieving your goals, but from struggling well.

The Daily Stoic’s post ‘We Admire The Struggle’.

It was not lost even on the Stoics that some parts of this philosophy come more naturally to some people than others. Some folks just seem chill by default. Some are so-called “old souls” who have wisdom and perspective, almost from birth. Others were not blessed (or cursed) with ambition or opportunities, and so there is very little challenge going on in their life anyway. 

Good for them. That’s their lot in life. It’s not ours. It certainly wasn’t Seneca’s. 

The rest of us have to struggle. We struggle against our impulses. We struggle to really internalize these teachings. We are struggling to manage our tempers or the envy that creeps up out of nowhere, into our souls, and then out through our hands and mouths as deeds we wish we could undo. It’d be nice if we didn’t have to struggle so much, but we do. 

And yet, this struggle—and the triumphs over it, however temporary—that is what’s impressive about us. Seneca wrote that he doesn’t admire the person who has it easy, who is naturally Stoic. No, he admires the man “who has won a victory over the meanness of his own nature, and has not gently led himself, but has wrestled his way, to wisdom.” Seneca reserved his deepest appreciation for the person who’d survived the crucible of ego, who’d navigated the gauntlet of envy and pride, who’d walked through the shadow of the valley of death, but with himself as his own shepherd. 

Today, we must continue to wrestle. We must continue to struggle and fight for victory. It won’t be easy—it never is—but that’s the whole point. It’s the man in the arena that we admire. It’s the one covered in dust and sweat that matters. And that’s who we are.